Psalm 139

I am reading through Colossians in my quiet time - but for the past week or so I have really been constantly pondering Psalm 139.  I feel like I understand that Psalm more now than ever and I know that understanding is only going to grow once Olivia is actually here. It was always so overwhelming to think about God actually forming me in my mother's womb - piecing me together in His perfect way - knowing everything about me before I was even in the world - knowing every word I would ever speak before I could even talk.  He even knew that I would be sitting right here in NC pregnant with Olivia in August of my 24th year.  That is so hard to wrap my mind around - yet it is so incredibly exciting to think of the intimate way that He loves and cares for us.

Every time that I feel her little kicks or nudges (which have gotten significantly stronger this past week) and every time I feel distinguishable body parts pressing into a rib or pushing out of my stomach - Psalm 139 starts playing over and over in my head.  God - not me or my body because of anything I have done special - but God is actually knitting Livi together inside of me - from the "buds" to that are now  arms and legs she now has (she actually has fingernails now!) and all that is in between.  This is the time that her immune system is being completed - but it isn't by chance- God is growing her so that she will be healthy enough to survive outside of the womb.  There is no doubt that God loves me and He loves Daniel and Olivia and that is why He is blessing us - but He is ultimately doing it for His glory.  Being pregnant and having a baby is just one more way that He can reveal some of His mystery to us and He can show us just how much he deserves all adoration.  I feel like I have baby on my mind all of the time - but the Bible says that God's thoughts toward us outnumber the sand --- as much as I love her already , it does not compare to the Lord's love for her.  He has ordained her days, even before there were any days and I know that in His infinite wisdom He has a special plan for this little girl.  

The closer I get to my due date - the more I start to think about actually delivering.  There is some anxiety that comes with that -but today I am praying that the Lord would search me, try me, know my anxious thoughts, see if there be anything wicked in me and then lead me to His everlasting way.  I have to trust that God loves Olivia more than Daniel and I do - more than we could even imagine - and so whatever plan He has for her is the best plan we could ask for.  

Psalm 139 (NASB)

1 O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
          You understand my thought from afar.
3 You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
          And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before there is a word on my tongue,
          Behold, O LORD, You know it all.
5 You have enclosed me behind and before,
          And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
          It is too high, I cannot attain to it.
7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
          Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
          If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the dawn,
          If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand will lead me,
          And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
          And the light around me will be night,”
12 Even the darkness is not dark to You,
          And the night is as bright as the day.
          Darkness and light are alike to You.
13 For You formed my inward parts;
          You wove me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
          Wonderful are Your works,
          And my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
          When I was made in secret,
          And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
16 Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
          And in Your book were all written
          The days that were ordained for me,
          When as yet there was not one of them.
17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
          How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.
          When I awake, I am still with You.
19 O that You would slay the wicked, O God;
          Depart from me, therefore, men of bloodshed.
20 For they speak against You wickedly,
          And Your enemies take Your name in vain.
21 Do I not hate those who hate You, O LORD?
          And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
22 I hate them with the utmost hatred;
          They have become my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
          Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
24 And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
          And lead me in the everlasting way.

33 weeks

33 weeks

And since I am so behind with posting this - I am only 2 days away from 34 weeks... hard to believe!

Nursery :)

Some of our family got to see our nursery via Skype the other night - but it wasn't totally done. For the most part, no one has really seen the nursery - so I took some pictures for your viewing pleasure :)

The Changing Table

This was right after assembly :) We are furniture putting together experts after this last month!

This is after I added my precious diaper cake to the table :)

Hair Bow Holder

I have been trying to find different crafts and sewing projects to do with all this free time :) 

My sister is making one too --- and trust me - she needs two! 

Those bottom 4 bows are actually mine from when I was a little girl :) Thanks, mom!

The precious letters that my BFFE Amanda made for Livi

The Diaper Bag 

It is packed and ready to go for the most part!

This is the outside of the diaper bag

Thank you, grandmas!

The Crib :)

I LOVE her crib and bedding! Thank you, Nana and mom (whose grandma name has yet to be decided...)

We aren't allowed to paint so I am going to hang some more pictures when she gets here and we put up this little shelf for some decorations

The completed changing table

This is her car seat that I tried to girly up a bit :)

Thank you to all of the wonderful FBC Palatka shower hostesses for my travel system!

More crib photos

Two flowers that I made that attach to elastic for her little head :)

My adorable diaper wreath that my mom and sister made :) 

I don't want to take it apart to use any of it! It is decoration right now

All of her newborn to 3 months clothes are washed and ready!

All of her drawers are full and the closet is packed! 

I decorate that lamp shade to match her room

Also - please note the elephant (you may recognize it from swaddling practice) - that was a gift from Kamryn to Olivia :)

Homemade rocking horse and blanket!

I love this gift because it is something so personal for Livi. Mr. Ed (for those of you who know Timmy - his dad) made the rocking horse by hand! And Jessica made the blanket!  It is going to be a while before she can enjoy it - but I know she will when she is old enough!

That is all so far :)  I need to work on more decor for the walls - but if she came today we would be ready for her! 

31 & 32 Weeks

31 Weeks

32 Weeks

I promise those pictures are in order! To me, 31 weeks looks bigger than 32 - but that has happened to me a lot this pregnancy - I still think it depends on where she is and how she is laying.  

I have a doctors appointment this week and then after two more week I will start having them weekly --- it is hard to believe how fast this last trimester has gone!

Swaddling Practice

One of our close friends of the family gave us a DVD and this special swaddler called a wombie at the Palatka shower.  She said that her son and daughter-in-law that just had a little boy swear by the video and wombie and she is now getting that for everyone who has babies.  When we first got to NC we didn't have cable for about a week and a half - so we watched a lot of DVD's ---- including this one.  I put it in and started watching it and Daniel came out and sat down and proceeded to watch the whole thing with me. For whatever reason, even though he has 3 nieces/nephews now, and regardless of the amount of times he held them as infants - it is like every time he holds a newborn it is the first time - so I think he is genuinely nervous (even though I know he will be perfectly fine).  Anyway - he watched the video and was trying to memorize everything the guy was saying about soothing an upset baby.  Next thing I know he comes out of the nursery with a stuffed elephant and a swaddling blanket and begins practicing.  I must say - he is getting good :)

SO --- does anyone know any newborns in NC that Dan can practice on?! ;)

Olivia Kathleen Helms

In the beginning of February, Daniel and I got by far the biggest surprise of our married life.  Sometimes calling it a surprise can come off with a bad connotation - but it was most definitely a surprise.  A wonderful, exciting, gigantic, unforgettable, awe-inspiring surprise ---- we were pregnant.  Just a few short months after Daniel and I heard and accepted the call to move for seminary and literally one week after announcing to our church that we would be moving to North Carolina in the summer, God blessed us with a little icing on the cake --- who we now affectionately call Livi.

**As a side note - there is a reason why we chose the name Olivia Kathleen and I'm sure some inquiring minds still want to know. Daniel and I had a list of names that we both liked for boys and girls (first and middle) but we didn't want have the names paired up as first and middle and we had no idea which we were going to choose.  I knew if we had a girl, I wanted her to have a name like mine - something "timeless" (aka old fashioned in a good way).  We also needed names that we loved the shortening of because no Helms is ever called by their full name - case in point - Steve, Sher, Bry, Kris, Dan, Aud, Mike, Mar, Kam, Bryce.. you get the picture... so we needed a name that we wouldn't mind people shortening.  Olivia became more and more the front runner of the girl names (we also had a boy named picked out because this was well before we knew the gender - but I am not going to reveal that here unless we have a little boy one day).  I also liked the name Kathleen - because a) it is also old fashioned and b) it reminds me of a very dear friend.  One day in passing I mentioned to Sherri (Daniel's mom) that I liked Kathleen as a middle name and I was campaigning for Olivia Kathleen - and she was so excited because unbeknownst to me- Kathleen was her mother's middle name. So  - there you have it.

Sorry for the rabbit trail - back to the original post.

Those that know me well know that I have been pretty adamantly against posting pictures of my pregnancy progress on facebook ---- I am not against it for others, don't get me wrong - I definitely look at all of those pictures of my friends - but I am just not comfortable doing it for myself.  That being said, I feel like I can control the  "traffic" more on this blog, so I will post my pregnancy progress here for those family and friends who are so interested in how exponentially my belly is growing (especially these last few weeks).

So with all that being said - for your viewing pleasure...

 Our First Test

 Our Second Test

Daniel was not fully convinced with the faintness of the line the first time despite my assurance ---- so we went digital :)

 Our first ultrasound  

I literally cannot fathom the fact that that now has her foot in my ribs. God is amazing.

 Livi's very first outfit 

(she's gotten a few more since then....)

Although Kristy did not know that we were going to announce our pregnancy (I promise Sherri!), she had a sneaking suspicion and brought this our for us after we broke the news.

 15 Weeks

This is the first "belly" picture that I took because for so long I felt like there was nothing to see.

 17 weeks

 The day we found out "it" was a "she"!

19 weeks

 It's a girl!

 20 weeks

27 weeks 

28 weeks 

29 weeks 

30 weeks

And that is up to date! (until Thursday)

The Greatest Mystery Of All

Paul calls the gospel a mystery. Some versions call it a huge mystery or a great mystery - but the NIV calls it a profound mystery.  Isn't that so true? The gospel makes no sense at all. It does not make sense to nonbelievers any more than it makes sense to believers.  In fact, I think for those of us who are even remotely aware of our sin and have a even a fraction of understanding about God's holiness, the mystery is even more profound.  Why would God long to have a relationship with us? He created everything, He is the beginning and end of everything, He holds the world in His hand - and yet the Bible is so clear about the fact that He longs to know us intimately and He longs for us to know Him intimately.

As a reflection of this mystery that is the gospel, the Christian life is sometimes a mystery. I find it significantly mysterious as to why God would pick me up out of the muck and mire, save me for eternity and then continually bless me.  His plans are also deeply mysterious, they rarely make sense to me but they never disappoint. 

That is where Daniel and I are in our lives right now --- in the midst of living out a mysterious plan but knowing it is exactly where we should be.  As I sit here and type this, Livi is rolling and dancing around so much in my stomach that I can see it through two shirts.  I can poke her and she will poke (kick, punch, elbow, etc.) back.  How is that for mysterious?  Daniel and I both left behind jobs in Florida that we loved to move to North Carolina for school with absolutely no idea of how we were going to survive after savings ran out.  He is currently at training for his new job as a part-time server at On The Border.  Are we grateful for this job and how quickly and easily he got it because of God's provision? Absolutely.  Does it make a lot of sense to me? None at all. It's a mystery.  

This blog is to chronicle all of the mysterious adventures God is taking us on right now to keep us humble and grateful for His blessings and so family and friends can keep up with us when we are not so good at keeping up with the phone.  I hope this can be one way to stay connected regardless of the states between us :)

Love to all,
Daniel and Audrey